My Therapy Experience

As I continue to do the research for the final post on a three-part series on childhood development, I decided to provide an update on the current happenings of my life. If you read my last post discussing my reflection on the past 30 years of my life within the context of my work experiences, you know that I was fired from my recent job as a psychotherapist. In the beginning, I enjoyed the job and the people that I worked with. Most importantly, I enjoyed working with my clients and helping them process/deal with their issues. My youngest was a 5-year-old girl and the oldest was an 80-year-old woman. I’m not sure when I will get back to doing therapy but that experience opened my eyes to the potential of my ability as a therapist and validated my issues with working with certain types of people. When my health became too much of an issue and possible liability for the company it was decided that I would be let go from the company however I saw the writing on the wall at the beginning of the year when I noticed how the people that appeared to be in my corner began giving me the cold shoulder. In a situation like this, it is hard to not take things personally however it is one of the various possibilities in life where you work somewhere where the outlook that you have differs from the company that you work for. Now this isn’t a post to continue to gripe on the issues of my previous employment because I do appreciate them for the opportunity that I was provided and the things that I learned during my year there. However moving forward it may be a while before I get back into therapy, possibly not until I open the facility I would like so that I can work on my terms. Now back to the specific topic at hand.

After being let go from the company I worked for, I also received health insurance needed to get my health back in order. One of the things that I put off for years was seeking therapy for myself. I attempted to seek therapy once before when I was an undergrad in college however I felt like the experience wasn’t the best. Nothing against the therapist I sought therapy from, just didn’t feel right or natural at the time. I didn’t have anything major to discuss and it was more of a mini research experiment for me than anything. I decided to go the professional route of a therapist so why not see how it feels on the other side of the desk and honestly, I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the sound of my voice discussing problems that may seem minor but would profoundly impact my mental functioning. Fast forward 13 years, I decided to take a real shot at therapy now that I have good health insurance to cover it. Unfortunately, I ran into similar hurdles that all my clients that found me ran into before having me as a therapist. Now I am by no means the best therapist in the world. In actuality, I would argue that I am hyper-critical about my abilities in anything I do regardless of whatever praise or accolades I receive. One can argue there is a deeper issue there that I am not ready to deal with and I can wholeheartedly say that I know there is an issue there and I am aware of it. Rather than being upset about this, I use it to my advantage to continue growing and getting better. Kind of like the story of Icarus and Daedalus. I often fly too close to the sun during my career development which leads me to intense burnout so it’s something I actively work on day by day.

Issue 1

The first issue that I ran into seeking therapy was finding someone that looks like a person that I can trust. Anyone that begins this search of finding a therapist runs into this issue. Some try to find one that looks like them. In the state of NY, it seems like as a person of color finding someone that looks like you providing therapy is an impossible task. When I was working as a therapist I was the only black male providing in-person therapy and I was only able to accept 2 insurances. Due to this, I was both a high commodity within the field as well as not a resource for those that may need it. Anyone seeking therapy can tell you that it seems like the field is oversaturated with older individuals, overwhelmingly white or women. Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing because we all more or less received the same training as therapists however it’s harder to relate with someone that doesn’t look like you. As a client how can I, a black man in his 30s, expect a 65-year-old white woman to understand the issues I deal with on a day-to-day basis? Almost every client that I had was either black or Hispanic and told me they were looking specifically looking for a man of color to provide therapy. From that alone I was happy that I chose the field that I decided to work in but at the same time, it’s disheartening to know how difficult it is for people within the same demographic as me to find a therapist that they believe they can trust.

Issue 2

The second issue that I ran into was insurance. Therapy can easily run you a couple of hundred dollars per session. When I was doing therapy I was charging $200 per session and only recouping about 20% per session. Now I am blessed that my insurance is accepted by many therapy clinics but not the same can be said for everyone. As I stated earlier, the clinic I worked at only accepted two insurances, limiting the demographic that can receive therapy. Living in NYC I am blessed with an abundance of almost everything so with enough research, in theory, I can find someone however not everyone has the mental fortitude to go through that process long term, especially if you’re in the midst of a crisis. Sometimes you’re forced to go out of your comfort zone and give someone you didn’t think can help a chance and hopefully, it works out. But from many of the stories I was told from previous clients they had less than ideal experiences with therapists that disregarded their experience, environmental factors, etc. because of the issue I laid out previously. This in my opinion is one of the biggest hurdles for anyone seeking therapy and even more for the individuals that don’t have the luxury of insurance to cover therapy.  

Now I’ve been in therapy for the past 2 months and I can say I like the therapist that I chose and the insight that he has provided me. Because I have a background in this field I know where I can find almost any information that can rectify the problems I deal with but the human sounding board factor of therapy is something that you can’t get by yourself. We often use our friends for this and it’s not necessarily a bad thing but it is unfair to your friends to constantly use them as your problem solver without seeking the proper assistance. My sessions are usually discussing my issues with road rage and then a general discussion of my week. I leave each session refreshed so that I get my frustrations out with an unbiased individual that only knows me within the context of therapy as opposed to a friend of 10+ years. The friend may know you through and through, and they may even provide great advice to deal with your issues however the therapist plays a crucial role of objectivity that allows you to bare your soul knowing that you can come back the next week with a new set of issues OR the same one with little to no judgment.

I will always be an advocate for therapy but I am not blind to the difficulties of seeking it. I wouldn’t even assume to know the difficulties that people go through outside of NYC or the country and the hurdles that they would have to jump to find someone to discuss their issues with however if it is a possibility for you I would suggest giving it a try for at least a month. If it doesn’t suit you then it doesn’t. Even though I advocate for I also know it’s not the best for everyone. I’ve had people from the moment I started till the moment I was let go and I’ve had people that have left after 4 sessions with a better plan moving forward. Only you know what’s best for you and I can only provide advice that I’ve seen work for others and I know has worked for me. I don’t know what is my end goal with therapy. I may continue for the remainder of my life with this therapist and others or I may stop after a couple of sessions only to return when a major life event happens and I need someone to discuss it with. That’s the one beauty of life, the unknown. I don’t know where this journey will take me but I can say that I am happy that I decided to embark on it.